


The peace in your eyes

by fridarules



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Death, Dean Winchester Has a Girlfriend, Dean dumps girlfriend he prefers Castiel, Depressed John, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel are idiots in love, Destiel grandparents, Destiel roomies, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied substance abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Violence, Misunderstandings, POV Castiel, Sex, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel, barely con sex, destiel parents, ruined birthday party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-01-26 03:33:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12547896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fridarules/pseuds/fridarules
Summary: Castiel and Dean have been together for a long time. Castiel's taken Dean for granted. Massive mistake he'll need to fix, he'll have to conquer his own fears and ghosts, to finally get the love of his life back.





	1. The first day of the rest of our lives

**Author's Note:**

> This short story's been in the back of my mind for a while now and a few days ago I decided it was time to do something about it. Getting a beta is harder than expected so this is definitely unbeta-ed. Hope you don't mind. LONG LIVE DESTIEL. Love y'all.

_Rain. The constant rattling on the roof made him curl into himself. He remembered the times when that sound was comforting. But that was the time when he could curl into someone else, someone that meant his life. Someone who made him smile._

_The couch he was lying on kept him from the street lights coming through the front window, but he could still see the shadow play on the opposite wall. He closed his eyes at the sound of thunder resounding on the walls; clear reminder that he was all alone._

_Castiel still remembered the times when the house was full of laughter, children running, chaotic Sunday breakfast tables and music… oh the neverending music... but that was back then, when the house was alive._

                                                                    --

“You’re sure?” Dean asked Castiel once the realtor left them alone to privately discuss the possibility of buying this house, the fifth he’d showed them.

If you’d ask Mr. Hope, the house was just too big for these two, but they insisted that they needed the extra space for family visits, and for their own children, when they decided to have them. Nobody could have accused Mr. Hope of being judgemental, as long as he made the sale the client's business was their own. It had been a long stressful day and, funny and nice as these two were, he really wanted to go back to his office and start the paperwork, call it a day and go get wasted at the local bar with his friends.

“Yes, Dean. I like this house very much. It’s got the right amount of rooms, a backyard for BBQs and Sam’s children to play, and a garden, it’s everything we’re looking for.” Castiel numbered the pros of this place, “I could even have some beehives on the back,” he added with a glow.

Castiel’s enthusiastic recount of benefits, the passion he put on the details and the plans seemed to do the trick for Dean. “Tell you what, let’s talk numbers with that guy and see how we manage the payments. Deal?”  Castiel beamed at his words and Dean seemed to lose control, he leaned in for a quick little peck on the lips. They were both glowing now.

They put a little distance between them as the realtor cleared his throat. “We got the right house, now, didn’t we?” he amusedly said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude but there’s another family interested in this house so…”

“Dude, you don’t have to play that line on us, my boyfriend likes it… we take it!” Dean decidedly states, making Castiel blush deeper.

“Great, now about the price…”

**

Of course Dean had agreed to buy the house right away, he had always complied Castiel’s every wishes. Right from the beginning, when they’d met at that old coffee shop at their college campus and there was only one slice of apple pie left. Sometime later, Castiel learned how much Dean would give for pie, and yet, he had let Castiel have that last slice.

Castiel had taken the pie and turned around to thank him but Dean had already taken his coffee and headed back to his friends. Castiel had seen him before in the campus, always surrounded by his friends. They didn’t share any class, but for some reason he kept seeing him around. He’d met him in the square, around the corner from his dorm, at Mrs. Tran’s laundry, at the library… It had become an obsession, Castiel purposely tried to walk with his gaze down, but he’d look up to cross the street and boom! There it was Dean’s stupidly adorable face smiling while talking to someone. If Castiel’d believed in destiny, he’d have destiny to blame for all those furtive encounters.

In fact, Castiel wanted to stop seeing Dean everywhere. He had so much to study and to work that he couldn’t afford any kind of distraction. Castiel’s scholarship depended on his grades and he had to support himself with work. He’s always been a very dedicated student, since back when his parents had died and Michael, the eldest son and already 22, had taken all his four siblings under his care and tried hard to balance his recently obtained job, his new family responsibility and his relationship with his girlfriend. Castiel, the younger of the Novak siblings, shy and quiet, always observant, witnessed all his big brother efforts to make it all work. At ten, he had decided not to give Michael more worries than the ones he already had, without realizing he was only adding one, the fact that he was always alone and reserved had always made Michael worry about his baby brother’s to no end, but Castiel was only interested in his studies, he helped around the house and behave like a role model, no matter how much Gabriel and Balthazar tried to coerce him into playing pranks on Anna’s boyfriend, or using the stairs as a slider, he would just rolled his eyes at them and went to the backyard to read.

He hadn’t change much. Castiel was still the same shy boy, lost in a book or meditating. He lived alone in the dorm near the library, the guy that lived there with him had to go back home and never came back. Castiel was happy. Until one afternoon he came back from work and found his bedroom full of boxes and a voice coming out of the bathroom.

“Leave the bag on the bed, Sammy!” someone said as the bathroom door opened to let the man of his obsession come out, with a little bag in hand. He had been putting this _Sammy’s_ toiletries away. Please let it be _that Sammy’s_ stuff. “Oh, sorry, I thought it was my brother with the last of my stuff.” Crap. Castiel remained still, open mouthed but mute, staring at this beautiful straight guy, “I’m, uh… I’m Dean Winchester, Casiel Novak, I assume?”

“Uh?” It took Castiel two seconds to decode Dean’s words, “Castiel, my name’s Castiel Novak.” he finally managed to say, holding out his hand to shake Dean’s. “I see they got me a new room mate.”

“Yeah, uhm, sorry about the mess, I’m rather tidy, I promise.” Dean said, reaching back to scratch the back of his head as he checked around the mess of boxes on the floor.

Castiel was still shocked, and failed to react at Dean’s joke, whose face betrayed his discomfort.

“What the hell you have in this bag, dude?” the kid entering the room without knocking complained as he let the bag fall on the floor next to the door. “Oh, sorry, hi.” he waved as he spotted Castiel.

“Castiel Novak,” Dean pronounced the name carefully now, “this is my baby brother, Sam Winchester, but don’t worry, he’s just leaving.” he glares at his brother, “In fact, I’m gonna take him home now before my mom starts calling me, I’ll… I’ll put everything away as soon as I’m back, I promise.”

Castiel nodded, and he watched, dumbfounded, as the brothers left him standing among Dean’s boxes. He couldn’t believe his luck, or rather the lack of it, he was having enough problems concentrating in his studies because this person was stalking his walks. Ok, Dean Winchester was not stalking him per se, but all the same. The point was that now that he was his roommate, the chances of focusing on his grades and work were history. Also he’d have to stop using sweatpants because… tents.

Castiel’s known he was gay since high school, he’d never felt attracted to any girl but would eyed boys with a watering mouth. Michael was the one to notice, of course, and he talked to Castiel about it, letting him know that it was alright to like boys, that whatever made him happy, his family would always be there for him. Castiel had a few experiences, he made out with a couple of kids from the football team, and lost his virginity to the cutest and sweetest guy in school, his name was Inias and they both cried for hours when he had to move to Canada.

**

_The memory of their first encounter was always present in Castiel’s mind. He had told their children the story of how they’d met, like a thousand times. And they had listened, because Castiel was always a funny story teller, and Dean would add his details, and when they were older, their kids began to join the tale, so one afternoon, after a pool party, they gathered in the patio for a snack and the whole family, parents and kids, related the story of how I met you father._

_They used to have so much fun in this house._

_Now the house was dark and cold. The wind made the curtains dance, curtains that Dean had chosen after driving the salesman crazy, asking to check this fabric, and that other, “No, bring me the one on top,” “Do you have it in peach?”. Dean had always put so much thought in this house… in their couple._

**

“I’m not trying to make you fail, Cas.” Dean rolled his eyes, “All I’m saying is that you’re working your ass out, studying and working and I’ve never seen you having any fun.” Dean sat cross legged on the floor, next to Castiel bed, where the blue eyed boy had been reading for the past three hours. “What you say?”

Castiel wants to say yes, of course he’d love to go out with Dean. Anywhere. He’d follow his room mate to the end of the world, if he’d ever ask.

His crush on Dean Winchester only grew in the four months they’ve been roommates. For all his good looks, Dean proved to be an enjoyable company, he was funny, empathetic, good listener… man, he had begun to love Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester showed no signs of returning the sentiment. Of course not, the guy was adorable and Castiel was… well, Castiel. That’s why he needed to dive in books and work, Dean Winchester would never be his, he’d be nothing beyond being apparently compatible roommate. One day they’d go different ways and would never see each other again, Castiel would never again see him sleeping, those pluff lips slightly parted, teeth barely showing, his chest heaving softly, the little sounds he’d make when changing the position in his sleep, his round perfect ass shaped by the sheet, or one of his sexy bowed legs hanging from the side of the bed. Castiel would never tell a soul that he stayed awake for hours watching Dean Winchester just sleep.

“Dean, I’m not a people’s person, I got nothing against your friends, but I won’t feel comfortable if…” Castiel tried to explain, but Dean’d have nothing of it.

“Say we go out together, only you and me. Would that work or do I make you uncomfortable too?” Dean smirked, winking. Castiel was lost.

Sighing, he closed his book and looked up at Dean, “Alright, I’ll go out with you for a couple of hours, but just around the corner and no alcohol, okay? I need to finish this damn book.” he threw the book against his pillow and got up to put on his shoes.

When he reached out for his coat, he saw Dean grinning big, as if going out with Castiel would make him happy. Castiel’s heart rate increased, he felt butterflies in his stomach and his head felt light as if he had already drank some beers. Dammit.

\--

He had to give it to Dean, he kept his word. They walked three blocks, hands on pockets and looking at each other from the corner of their eyes as they talked. They arrived to a little coffee shop that Castiel’s never been at, a rather dark place due to the oak covered walls, but warm and cosy. The waitress, whose name tag read _Jo_ , brought them the menu “Welcome to the Road House, what can I get you, boys?”

Dean took the menus but just ordered, “Hey, girl. Two _Deans_ and two sodas, we’ll order dessert later, k?”

“You got it, idiot” she punched him on the chest and went to get their order, laughing.

Castiel looked at the interaction with an aching heart, this was intimacy and of course a confirmation that Dean Winchester was straight, there it went his last flare of hope.

“She’s my cousin.” Dean explained.

“Oh!” was all Castiel could answer, but the relief in his face must have been evident because Dean’s smile froze in his face while he eyed him with suspicion. “What?” Castiel finally asked, when it was evident that Dean wasn’t either gonna say a word or stop intensely looking at him.

“Uhm, nothing, I…” Dean cleared his throat, “I was thinking that this is the first time we’re alone… no, no, I know we’re alone at the dorm all the time, but there we’re mostly studying, here… here we’re having fun. So, tell me, Cas, what you like doing?”

“Doing? I… I don’t go out much, you know that… I like studying and working, it’s what I’ve always done.” Castiel confesses.

“Really?” Dean said, “I’d kill myself if I had to stay indoors permanently, gimme the Impala, an open road and I’m happy.” he said with finality, “There’s nothing like the wind coming through the open window and the sun on the face.”

Castiel listened transfixed, Dean’s every word was food for his heart, the passion he put in describing his favorite hobby.

“Never done that, not since I was a kid. My dad used to take us for a car ride on Sunday mornings after church.” Castiel remembers, “I had forgotten about that, it’s been so long…”

Castiel told Dean about his parent’s death and his childhood with his siblings. Dean told Castiel about him missing his mom´s cooking, the road trips with his parents, and his baby brother. At a point Jo comes with their food.

“Here you go, boys, call if you need anything.” she was about to leave, but she pivoted as if she had remembered something, “Hey idiot, mom’s birthday partys next week, you’re gonna come up or what?”

“Wouldn’t miss it, brat. Sammy and I will be there.” he promised, and sticking out her tongue, she left. “Sorry about that, Cas. My cousin can be really annoying sometimes.”

“That’s okay, Dean, I got two brothers who think that there’s nothing funnier than to play pranks at any available opportunity… that’s all the time. It’s exhausting, trust me.” Castiel contemplated the food in front of him and asked, “How is it that this burger is called _Dean_?”

“Well,” Dean answered with his mouth full, mindlessly chewing, “let’s say I come at least three times a week and order a double cheeseburger with extra bacon and onion, sided with curly fries and onion rings, so they ended up naming it after me.” he grinned.

They ate, talked about their careers and plans for the future. Castiel felt comfortable around Dean, comfortable as he’s never been next to anyone before. Castiel really wished Dean was not so straight.

\--

_The sun woke him up. Castiel had fallen asleep on the couch, sometime around midnight, his eyes tired of crying began to blink slower until he finally lost the battle and slept a dreamless pill induced sleep. He sat and stared at his feet for a moment, still in a state of half sleep half awake, he called out “Dean?” but the silence was his only answer. “Dammit” Cas muttered to himself, as he recalled he was all alone. His hand flew to the phone on the floor, desperate to check for any missed calls or texts. The phone battery was dead and Castiel groaned at that. He’d had to put it to charge and check the status of his inbox later. He left the phone connected and went to the liquor cabinet to get his breakfast. He knew he had to shower, he could smell himself and it would probably be a good idea to eat something but what was the point? He was all alone and he got no one to blame but himself._

_Dean was perfect, Dean was good, Dean was his life and after a lifetime together he pushed him away._

\--

“Ellen sent you this.” Dean handed him a food container, “I told you she’d be pissed if you didn’t come to the party.” Castiel gave him a confused look as he started eating the piece of birthday cake, “She threatened to stop feeding me if I ever leave you behind again…”

Castiel only beamed. He had seen Ellen once and he noticed she was the motherly type, kind and tender but strong and strict. “I had to study, Dean, you know that.” Castiel tried to excuse himself. He knew Dean wouldn’t buy it but what else could he say? He was not ready to be that close to Dean, meeting the family, hanging out on their own outside their shared bedroom… it felt too much like a relationship and it hurt. “I’m sorry if i’m compromising your quality menu, though.”

Dean squinted at him for a second, then bursted into laughter that lasted at least two minutes, apparently unable to stop and Castiel laughed with him, seeing Dean happy made him happy too.

“Oh, Cas, I love your sense of humor, man.” Dean chuckled as he got his breathing ability back, “I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.” he confessed, wiping off the tears from laughing so hard. “But really, next time you’ll go even if I have to drag you… you don’t want to make her mad, trust me.”

\--

When the winter break ended and Castiel came back to the dorm he found Dean’s things gone. He stood at the door, perplexed, not quite understanding. Dean hadn’t say anything about leaving their room. Something must have happened. Suddenly worried, he dropped his bag and tried to call Dean but the line went straight to voicemail so he run to the RoadHouse, leaving the door open.

Breathless, he took a few seconds before entering the cafe, to calm himself. He counted to ten, gasping and then taking a deep breath, he entered. Looking around he finally spotted Jo behind the counter. He approached and sat on the stool in front of her. Taking a rag to clean the top surface with, she smiled and asked, “What can I get you, Cas?”

Castiel had already visited Jo’s house several times, always dragged by Dean, who claimed he was studying too hard and needed a break. They’d hang at Ellen’s and got a meal or a movie night to relax and not spending money they didn’t have. Castiel would never call Dean’s attention to the fact that he’d been spending more and more time with him and he barely saw their friends anymore. So coming back and finding him gone was a shock.

“Hey, Jo, you’ve seen Dean?”

Jo looked up, her eyes had lost a bit of their natural joy, “Cas, Mary… Dean’s mom… she died a couple of days after Christmas … Dean had to stay back home.”

Castiel didn’t know what to say, how to react. He had never socialized as much as in his time with Dean as his friend. Yet now he went back to his regular socially awkward self. “Is… is Dean alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, I mean, as much as he can… his dad is lost, he doesn’t seem to recover from the shock of losing his wife so Dean had to say back home to take care of him and Sammy. You know how caring he is…”

Castiel nodded, of course he knew, Dean was the most selfless caring person he’s ever came to know. “He.. his phone goes to voicemail… do you know why?” he shyly asked, as if embarrassed to get caught stalking his friend.

“He’s probably turned it off, his dad’s on sedatives and they’re trying to keep the noise to the minimum. Look, I know you and Dean are close, he’s always talking about you and, well… my mom is gonna go visit tomorrow to check the pantry and cook to freeze so Dean won’t have to cook and do all the rest of housework by himself. If you want, I could ask her to take you too… I’m sure Dean’s gonna be happy to see you…”

Castiel looked at her in surprise, as if he hadn’t thought to ask it himself. Dean talked about him? What did that mean? No. This wasn’t the time for that. This was the moment to be there for his friend.

So he went, and Dean wasn’t happy, he was thrilled. He clinged to Castiel’s neck as soon as he spotted him and they both stood at the front door, hugging for a long while. The embrace was strong and comforting, Castiel taking the chance to smell Dean’s skin and be caught by his body warm. Hold it. Was Dean smelling him too? Castiel noticed Dean taking deep breaths, and then he called the hug out by patting Castiel softly on the back.

They spent the day together, talking about what happened and how Dean was coping. In the evening Ellen shushed them out, “Castiel, get him out of the house, go get something to drink, have lunch or something… stop making faces, Dean! You haven’t left the house in three weeks, you need to relax, boy!”

Dean did know better than contradict his aunt’s orders so he grabbed his keys and wallet from the table next to the door and motioned to Castiel to follow him. They end up deciding to have dinner in a local restaurant, Castiel tried to distract Dean from thinking too hard about his mom’s death and his dad just lying in bed, doing not much more than breathing.

They eat in companionable silence, Castiel deciding not to force conversation and just be there for his friend. Castiel offered ordering pie for dessert but Dean declined. He just wanted to go back to his dad and Sammy, feeling uneasy to have left them.

“Dean, Ellen said you need to relax and I think she’s right. There’s so much going on in your family and I understand you’re protective towards them, but you gotta think of yourself, too.” Castiel said as sweetly as possible, “I’m not saying you should go to a bar and get wasted, but…” Castiel shrugged the rest of the thought off, not wanting to push but also wishing Dean would spend more time with him, because Dean’s face betrayed how tired and worried he truly was.

After losing the battle for the bill, Dean checked the time on his phone. He got up as soon as Castiel got his credit card back, with a look he invited Castiel to follow him outside. Castiel complied, not knowing what else to do to ease Dean’s pain.

Back in the car, Dean did not start the engine right away, he just got the key in the ignition and remained still for what seemed an eternity.

“You know, Cas?” he finally said, “Been here for three weeks and today’s the first time I feel like myself.” he turned to look at Cas for a brief moment, soon turning back to look at the lights of the dinner in front, “I… I love dad, and I want to take care of him and Sammy, but…” he trailed off, as if insecure whether to continue or not, Castiel remained quiet, his silence an invitation for Dean to continue, “I missed you.”

Castiel had heard it wrong, Dean hadn’t say that… Dean didn’t feel like that. Or did he?

“Well, Dean, we do spend a lot of time together at the dorm…” he said, because he supposed he _had_ to say something. He couldn’t think, the sound of his own heartbeats too strong on his ears. He did not gasp when he felt Dean shifting in his seat to look his way. He did not blushed a deep shade of red as he felt Dean moving closer. He did not stop breathing altogether when Dean leaned in to kiss him on his temple, grabbing his hand. Castiel turned his head, suddenly and was almost taken aback by the hopeful expression on his friend’s face. “Dean, I…”

The kiss surprised them both, the passion in the mess of lips, tongues and teeth too much to be taken as a dream. This was happening and none of them could stop kissing and touching. At a point, Dean’s shoulders started to shake and all of the sudden, his lips curved down and he started sobbing. He hadn’t cry his mother’s death, but now Dean had turned a crying mess on Castiel’s arms, and Castiel held him tight, whispering words of comfort and caressing his head, rocking him in the small space in the front seat of Dean’s car.

 


	2. Nobody like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. Hope you like it.
> 
> Castiel continues to remember their history, his present bursts in and a light shines at the end of the tunnel. What that light will bring, remains a mystery... but not for too long.

_ Castiel stared at his bedroom door as if it had personally offended him.  _

_ Freshly showered, a towel wrapped around his waist, and his pills taken, he started to feel better, just as worried as before about his husband being gone after the fight, but less depressed. He had forced himself to do it all, the shower in the guests room bathroom, the pills, the breakfast. It’d been two weeks since Dean took his duffel bag full of his favorite T-shirts and jeans and declared “I’ll be at Em’s, call me when you decide we’re worth the effort.” looking sad for all his stern face, and then, with a slam of the front door, he was gone.  _

\--

After their first kiss, Castiel spent the rest of the day walking on a cloud, he couldn’t believe Dean felt the like that. They had spent almost an hour sat on the car just talking, Dean told him everything, his mom’s death, about forcing himself to be strong for his dad’s and brother’s sake, taking the responsibility of Mary’s funeral and the medical care his dad’s depression demanded. 

Dean didn’t return to the campus, he drove to and back everyday, cutting study hours to take also time to clean the house and cook, he had to make sure everything at home would work smoothly. Money wasn’t an issue, his mother’s family inheritance would keep them afloat for a few years if needed. Castiel was well aware that Sammy was Dean’s top priority, their dad was still too affected by their mother’s death and Dean had told Cas that he wanted his so fucking intelligent brother to have no other concern than his grades and, even when Dean knew he had to finish his career too, he’d drop everything if it meant his little brother would reach his dream of becoming a lawyer. 

The fact that Castiel was well aware of the reason Dean had to stay back home did very little to help him hide his annoyance when everyday he would found his new roommate lying on Dean’s bed. 

Castiel and Dean had been together-together (as Sam loved to point out) ever since, and every day was a wonder. Their studies and jobs wouldn’t let them see each other as much as they’d have liked, but they kept in touch every day all the same, a phone call here, a coffee at the RoadHouse there, texts everywhere, and make out sessions at every available opportunity. 

Twenty days after that evening in Dean’s car, Castiel had just had some tests out of the way so he decided to accepted an invitation to spend the weekend at Dean’s house, invitation that had been presented almost a month before. Castiel was thrilled. Dean had helped him pack, apparently too anxious to wait for him downstairs. Castiel had to repress a smirk when Dean glared at Tom, his roommate, when he entered the room after them. Castiel rolled his eyes at him and apologized to Tom. “Don’t pay attention to my boyfriend, he’s an ass…” 

“Hey!” Dean protested, picking up Castiel’s bag from the bed.

“Adorable, though.” Castiel added, pecking him on the lips, which softened Dean’s expression instantly.

“That’s better.” Dean grinned. “Shall we?” he nodded towards the door and held out his hand for Castiel to grab. 

\--

_ Castiel needed to get dressed if was going to do anything to change the present situation, and yet he couldn’t make himself cross the bedroom door. He stayed frozen, leaning against the door frame, watching the unmade bed and feeling his eyes prickle with tears. _

_ Why had he been so stupid? Why did he do it? _

_ The bed seemed to mock him in his pain. He hadn’t made the bed after Dean had left, two weeks had gone by and everything remained untouched. Castiel missed Dean, his laugh, his touch, his kisses, his voice and his silences… those memories seemed to set him in motion and, closing his eyes for a brief moment, he resolutely made a beeline to the walk in closet, only looking at the unmade bed for a split second. Their bed. A bed full of memories, good ones and heartbreaking, too. _

\--

“Dean, stop… your dad will hear us!” Castiel worriedly pleaded as he moved up in the bed as if trying to move away from him. John hadn’t come down from his bedroom in all day, taken food only when Dean threatened him to call Ellen and have her to throw him a lecture. Dean confessed him that that was the only thing that usually worked. 

“Dad took his sleeping pill and is already down, and Sammy…” Dean crawled on top of him, catlike, and Castiel’s heart missed a beat. “Sammy’s gone to his friend’s for a sleepover, so…” he let himself lower on top of Castiel and stopped when their lips were mere two millimeters apart, “It’s only you and me…” and then he closed the gap between their lips, swallowing a gasp from his boyfriend. They didn’t have sex that night, Castiel was too tense knowing John Winchester was sleeping just two doors down the hall. They made out all night, though, and when their lips felt too raw to continue kissing, they laid there in each other’s arms, touching and pecking the available skin, talking in small voices, getting to know each other from a different perspective.  

Sleep came late that night, they fought it for as long as they could but eventually their eyelids grew heavier and so they disentangled their legs and reposition themselves on the bed. Dean moved to be the big spoon and Castiel was happily embraced by the cocoon of Dean’s arms. After a few minutes, they were both sound asleep, and the last thing Castiel felt were Dean’s lips planting a kiss on his neck. After that, darkness took him and he knew nothing else until the morning.

They hadn’t planned to wake up early, in fact, they had expected to sleep way past 10 am and then make breakfast together. Sam was supposed to come back after lunch and John wouldn’t wake up until his sleeping pills wore off, and that usually happened around noon. Any earlier attempt to wake him up would be met by some yelling and, sometimes, some object throwing towards the door, clear message to leave him the hell alone. Dean stopped trying to coerce him off bed in time for breakfast, or at all, the day he smashed his alarm clock against the wall merely a feet away from his head.

So when the sun began to filter through the blinds and hit Cas in the eyes, he declared himself awake... a smile crept to his face when he felt a familiar hardness against his ass cheek. He stood still for a few minutes, enjoying the embrace of Dean’s arms and the morning wood poking his ass. Cas slowly moved around to face Dean trying not to disturb his sleep. He almost made it, but he completely ruined his intentions by snorting at Dean’s unconscious protests at losing the warmth against his junk. Castiel quickly pressed his knee to part Dean’s legs and be able to slip his leg between them.

“Good morning, Dean.” he whispered in a soft tone. “I take it you’re happy to wake up next to me?” palming his boyfriend’s erection.

“Mmm” was all Dean could manage to say as he tightened his possessive grip on Cas’ lower back to bring him closer. “What gave me away?” he teased, moving his hips causing their cocks to brush against each other.

Still barely awake, they started lazily making out, languid kisses and tender touches. Dean broke the spell by calling Cas’ attention to the fact that he needed to use the bathroom. “And a little teeth brushing so you don’t die on my breath” he joked, and Cas felt he used the joke as an excuse to go check on his dad and make sure he was alright before engaging in any ehem activity with his boyfriend.

“You’re an idiot,” Castiel laughed, the red numbers on the clock read 6am and he looked up at Dean, “I’ll pee while you go check on your dad.” he said getting up and winning a little smile of gratitude from Dean.

Ten minutes later, Dean came back to his bedroom to find Castiel lying on his bed, barely covered by a throw pillow over his groin, smirking.

“Holy mother of sins.” Dean muttered to himself and closed the door, fighting to take the sweatpants off while inelegantly stumbling towards his waiting boyfriend. 

Castiel looked amused and a little bit worried for Dean’s well being, as he watched him tripping over his clothes. It was endearing seeing him so eager, so desperate. 

Dean had just started to climb on the bed, beginning to crawl up over Castiel’s welcoming body. Castiel couldn’t wait. He just leaned up and grabbed Dean by his shoulders and awkwardly wrapped his arms around his back, bringing Dean down with him. Feeling Castiel naked was a nice surprise for Dean, one that he’d show his appreciation for in earnest. 

Their lips didn’t take too long to engage in a frantic kissing session that knew nothing of subtleties. They had waited a long time for this and for fucks sake they’d won’t lose any more moments together.

It took them just a few deep kisses, lips and tongues busy searching in each other’s mouths to light the fire faster, to start grinding their crotches. Young and horny, they needed not much more foreplay than what they had had the night before. 

Castiel turned tables and Dean was suddenly lying on his back, looking up at that gloriously beautiful bastard who seemed to promise to eat him alive by only setting eyes on him. Cas felt Dean trying to relax, his eyes on Castiel’s lips. He started kissing and ghosting his teeth in a path across Dean’s body. He bit at his jawline, leaving open mouthed kisses on his collar bones, licking his nipples, one by one, leaving two hard buds sending shivers to his brain everytime he breathed over them, causing the air to move around the hardened flesh.

Relentless, Castiel continued marking Dean’s skin with his lips, and tongue, and teeth, he wanted to be so good to Dean that he’d never want someone other than Castiel. Dean watched open mouthed as Castiel got closer and closer to his pulsing cock only to see him avoiding the area to mouth over his hip bones, scraping the surface with care, teasing and testing. 

Cas took Dean’s cock in his hand, licking it from base to tip and down again. 

“Cas,” Dean managed to breathe out, “please.” and he wouldn’t be able to say what he was asking for even if his life depended on it. All the answer he got in return was his shaft being engulfed by his boyfriend and that was the moment his brain declared itself fried. He was so focused on the warm wet mouth bobbing on his cock that when the tip of Castiel’s lubed index  prodded at his entrance, he welcomed it with a groan. 

Castiel was pretty sure that Dean didn’t have the presence of mind to ask himself when had Cas grabbed the lub from his own bedside drawer or to remember how to breathe, but feeling his boyfriend so relaxed and pliant under his touch only encouraged him to continue massaging his rim with care and devotion, as he kept sucking him off. 

Cas looked up at Dean with his boyfriend’s dick halfway in his mouth, as if asking for permission to take one step further. What he saw left him pleasantly shocked. He met Dean’s look, dark pupils overtaking the usual green, lust and adoration in equal parts… all of it directed towards Castiel. They kept their eyes locked, and when Cas’ first knuckle bridged the rim Dean made a face, he had never bottomed before so it was an odd sensation and it burned, but it was the good kind of burn. Castiel stopped, not wanting to hurt Dean in any way, “Dean… you okay?”  as an answer Dean let out a soft moan as he arched his back a little, pushing the finger deeper in himself. 

Castiel couldn’t believe how beautiful Dean looked, he didn’t know how that was even possible, being Dean the most beautiful person Castiel had ever known. He continued fingerfucking him, adding a second finger and then a third, as prompted by Dean’s response and encouraging noises. He made sure to scissor and turn his fingers inside his lover to lube and stretch properly the area and so avoid hurting Dean. 

“Cas… Cas, please, I can’t…” Dean pleaded, voice soft and needy. “I want to come with you inside me… please.”

Castiel didn’t need to be told twice, he was almost at the verge himself, so he put a condom on and covered it with a generous amount of lube. He positioned himself and guided his cock to the rim, held himself with a hand behind Dean’s neck as he lowered himself to be eyes with eyes with his lover, never parting gaze as he slowly but steadily pushed inside. None of them blinked, they held their breath as they became one.

Castiel slowly bottomed out and felt in heaven, Dean was tight and warm and just fuking perfect. He wanted to say that, wanted to tell Dean how beautiful, what a wonder he was, but Cas couldn’t find the words, feeling blissed beyond himself. Instead,  he cradled Dean’s face, reddened by the effort to relax and focus on getting used to the intrusion, and kissed him, sweet and tender, and smiled into the kiss as he felt Dean’s arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, trapping him with his touch.

“Dean, can I…?” Castiel began to ask, dying to move but afraid to hurt Dean if he wasn’t ready. His hesitation was met by Dean moving his hips, legs wrapped around his waist, hills digging in Cas’ ass cheeks not only granting permission to move but encouraging it. 

And Castiel did. Slowly at first, long slow thrusts in and out, giving time to adjust to the movement and sudden change of stretching, watching Dean’s face for any kind of discomfort and slowing down the rhythm whenever he saw it. But Dean’s face was a mask of lust, controlled breathing to relax and make it easier for Castiel to move inside him. Castiel then moved quicker, small rapid thrusts until he was fully inside and then almost out again to start over. The tempo continued to fasten until they were both a mess of sweat and grunts and hands roaming each other’s bodies. Dean came by only  the friction of their bodies rocking together and Castiel leaned down on him, hooking his hands on the Dean’s shoulders, and started kissing him deeply as he came inside him. 

It had been messy and naive, but, as inexperienced as it was, it was still the best sex any of them had ever had.

 

\--

_ After getting dressed, Castiel dialed Dean’s number for the hundredth time, and once again it went to voicemail. He couldn’t remember the last time Dean had turned off his phone while being away from home. Around noon he had given up trying to reach Dean’s phone and dialed their daughter’s. _

_ “Pappa, hi!. I was about to call you, Dad went to drop Claire at daycare, I’m coming over and you and me will have a little talk.” Emily resolutely said, leaving no room for arguments. She was trying to help, that much was clear. Their daughter’s personality was strong and confident; of all of their children, she was always the one to put end to fights among siblings, and she’d be the one her three brothers would go to when needed advice or a place to hide until their parents had desisted of trying to put the fear of God into them, figuratively speaking.  _

\--

As predicted, Sam and Jess had become parents at a very young age. Now Lucy was three and Robert’s first year party was held at his uncles’ own backyard and Castiel and Dean got to the night tired and happy but with a sense of incompletion tearing a hole in their souls. They stayed up late, drinking coffee while the catering crew got their things in the trunk and the place was being cleaned up, Dean and Cas started talking about the possibility of adopting children. 

They had long decided to adopt instead of using a surrogacy agency to have a baby. They were not opposed to the idea of a surrogate mother to bear their kids but with so many parentless children in the world, the idea of adopting was really the best, according to their opinion. 

One afternoon, after almost two years of patiently waiting, Castiel received a phone call asking if they were willing to adopt a pair of siblings, and was invited to visit the office to receive more information on the matter. Castiel called Dean’s Singer’s Auto Shop office as soon as he hung up.

“Cas, Cas… slow down! I can’t understand you!” Dean cut Castiel cascade of words.

“The agency called, Dean! They called!” Castiel continued to say, laughing and speaking loudly, excited beyond belief. “We’re gonna be dads!”

Dean lost all words, he hung up and ran to the Impala, paperwork for car release forgotten on his desk, left to wait to be filled in later. Bobby saw him pass flying the car area with a wide grin painted in the face and his boss, shaking his head, went to Dean’s office to finish up the papers so the cars could be delivered as scheduled. Bobby knew which was the only thing that would make Dean leave without explanation so he secretly crossed his fingers while showing a expression of disapproval he didn’t really felt.

Dean drove as fast as the speed limit allowed, barely making a stop as he jumped off the car and entered the too big house calling out Castiel’s name.

“You’re sure they said we’ve got a chance with those kids?” he asked against Castiel’s lips after they parted the kiss. They remained in each other’s arms, holding themselves in a cocoon of love that would soon embrace their children, were luck on their side. 

They had tried before, six months prior there had been a three years old boy, cute and shy that they were about to adopt, but before the paperwork was ready, an aunt came out of nowhere and claimed the kid’s custody. Castiel fell in a deep depression that took a lot of work from Dean to help him overcome. His psychiatrist helped him through the process and advised Dean to keep on trying to adopt.

-

_ Arms in jar, Castiel looked around his living room and just knew he had some cleaning to do before Emily arrived. If she happened to see so many empty bottles, she’d freak out and she had enough on her plate with her baby and her idiot parents, she didn’t need to worry of one of them drinking himself into the grave, too. So he picked up every bottle he could see and hid it under the sink, got everything around in its place and opened the windows to clear the air. _

_ Moving around and sober for the first time in the last ten days, Castiel had actual time to really think about what had gone wrong in his marriage in the past few months. _

-

It was Dean’s birthday and Castiel decided to pay a surprise visit. Bobby had conspired with Ellen to throw Dean a birthday lunch despite the boy’s protests, so Castiel arranged to join Ellen’s ride even when he had told Dean that he wouldn’t be able to go until the week after the exams. He put on his best clothes on and put in his trench coat pocket the box with the  beautiful watch with the engraving *To our profound bond*.

Dean was thrilled to see him, his excitement evident in his smile that reached his eyes. The embrace lasted good ten minutes until Ellen called out from inside that they should get in and help set the tables. 

Castiel realized, once inside, that the real reason for her to call them in was that John had decided to come out of his bedroom for his son’s birthday lunch and was far from happy to have accidentally seen his son entangled in another man’s arms. The coldness of John’s eyes and handshake was too much for Castiel not to notice, but he didn’t say anything to avoid ruining Dean’s birthday. He only hope John would be just as thoughtful. 

Turned out he wouldn’t.

Lunch was going great. Half way through, John had excused himself and gone to bed, obviously feeling uncomfortable with all the noise and talking, he was on prescription drugs, after all. Sam took him to bed, just to make sure he’d take his medicine and were properly lying in bed. The rest of the lunch continued a little sad because they started to remember Mary and she was missed greatly by all the presents, but in time the sadness around his memory turned into laughing as funny and adorable stories about her came to lift the spirit of the room. She had been a great woman, a terrific mother and so well loved by his family and friends that remembering her with joy was the best way to honor her memory.

A couple of hours later, when the table was cleared and the dishes put away in the cupboard, it was time for cake… and a pie for Dean. Sam started singing Happy birthday and soon enough everybody joined, making Dean blush. It took no more than a minute, the singing had finished and they were all congratulating Dean as he opened his presents, 

Jo was cutting the cake, and Castiel was pouring coffee for everybody, when John came tumbling down the stairs, shouting to “Shut the hell up, my Mary is Dead and you’re here, laughing and singing… I want you all out of my house! That’s YOU I’m talking to,” he said pointing at Castiel, “you’re ruining my son’s life, you fucking faggot”. He wouldn’t wait for anybody to answer to his order, he just turned around and climbed his way up to his room again. Castiel looked away, uncomfortable not only with the situation itself, Dean’s father could say anything to him, he wouldn’t care much, but Dean… Dean would feel hurt for sure. John was a sorry sight, a broken, sad, twisted man, covered with the heavy certainty that he’d never see the love of his life again. Castiel couldn’t imagine what that would feel. The only thought of Dean not being safe made his chest constrite.

The living room was submerged in silence, John’s words looming over their heads. 

“Balls!” Bobby suddenly declared, and five sets of eyes turned to look at him. “This ends today.” he resolutely started to charge upstairs when Ellen called out to him to wait for her. 

Ellen took a second to look at them, Sam and Dean began to protest but she silenced them with a stare. Sam was too young and Dean was overwhelmed by the multitude of things going to hell since his mother’s death to care anymore for who’d take the shit that particular day. It was his birthday, Cas was there and his father had a mental breakdown, spilling all his hate and bigotry at everybody. 

Mary would have controlled him. Mary would have liked Castiel.

Dean looked at Castiel apologetically, trying to communicate how sorry he was for his father’s disgraceful actions. Castiel held his hand and squeeze it to show his understanding. After five minutes of awkward silence and while Sam and Jo busied themselves with the game console, Dean and Cas went outside to sit on the porch steps, leaning against each other’s shoulders. They remained silent for a few minutes, but Castiel knew he had to say something to break Dean’s somber mood.

“Hey,” he playfully bumped his shoulder against Dean’s to call his attention. “I never got to give you my present.” Castiel said, offering the blue box to his boyfriend.

Dean smiled at him, it was a sad smile, but a smile all the same. “You didn’t have to bring anything.” but he started to open it anyway. He stood there, sitting on the steps in front of his house, admiring the beautiful watch that Castiel had purchased just for him. “Cas this is beautiful. I… I,”  he didn’t seem to find the words to thank him, but maybe he did not have to say it, he could just show it. Dean leaned in and kissed him softly, they kissed for a few seconds, only their lips touching and yet so satisfying.

They parted the kiss and looked ahead at the street with equal grins in their faces. Dean’s grin froze as soon as he spotted a female figure standing merely ten feet away from them. 

“Lisa? Hi, what you’re doing here?” Dean got up and started to walk towards her but she took a few steps back as if to keep her distance.

“I-- I just came to talk to you…” Lisa stuttered his gaze going from Dean to Cas, back and forth, “I have to--- I have to go, now. Happy birthday, Dean.” she said, obviously shocked and, just like that, she started walking really fast, almost running, really, towards her car that was parked across the street. 

Castiel watched the interaction from his sit on the porch, only getting up and walking to Dean once the girl had started the car and driven away. “Who was that?” 

Dean turned to face Castiel, and the blue eyed boy was surprised to find a confused look on his face. “Uh, she’s Lisa. we--- we used to date.”

“Hold on a minute… you like girls?” Castiel was shocked. A bit amused, maybe, but mostly surprised.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I’ve dated girls, but I’ve always liked guys too. Never dated one until you, though.” Dean confessed. “It upsets you? Please don’t tell me it upsets you… I--- I can’t handle any more problems… Cas--- Cas I need you… please don’t leave me…” 

“Dean! Hey, hey, hey...!” Castiel wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, soothing and strong enough to bring comfort, grounding him. “It’s okay, shhh… it was just a question, it’s okay, I’m not gonna leave you… how…” Castiel kissed Dean’s temple, his eyes watered when he felt his T-shirt getting wet on his shoulder, where Dean had buried his face. “How could I leave you if you’re everything to me, Dean. Dean, please, I’m right here, my love… I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.”

Castiel stood there, right in the middle of the front yard, with his boyfriend wrapped in a cocoon of his arms. He knew full well that the party had gone to hell with John’s outburst and then that girl intruding in her ex’s life. But he was there, he could hold him while Dean recovered himself.

It didn’t take long for Ellen to call them, they went in and Sam and Jo were already on the couch, ready to listen to whatever Ellen and Bobby had to tell them. Castiel sat next to Jo and Dean on the arm of the couch, next to him.

“Okay, kids. John is a real bad shape, mentally and physically.” Ellen started, “Dean, we know you do everything you can, but John is not easy to deal with. He needs medical care. He needs to have doctors and nurses controlling him. You’ve done too much already and it’s not fair to you.” Dean’s tears started to fall, “Dean, no, look at me. It’s not your fault. It’s his own. But we can fix it, okay? We can help him.”

“If you, idjits, agree, I’ll call his doctor and get everything ready to admit him into the hospital.” Bobby said.

“No, I mean, I can drop college and stay with him 24/7. I can take better care of him… I could…” Dean protested.

“No!” Sam interrupted him, “You can’t stop living because of him, not everything is your responsibility, Dean! You have to let the rest help!”

Dean looked at him in awe, as if actually seeing Sam for the first time as someone other than the little brother under his care. Castiel’s warm hand on his knee brought him out of his thoughts. “Alright.” he said, unconvinced but inclined to tried for Sammy. “Alright, I agree. But if they hurt him I’m taking him back home, get it?”

“They’re not gonna hurt me, son.” the gruff voice startled them all, John was once again walking down the stairs, one step at a time, slowly, holding himself on the banister. “I… Dean, I’m sorry for my behaviour earlier. I just… I miss your mother so much that sometimes it’s hard to think. Boys, I love you but I can’t do this anymore.” he finally got to the living room and heavily let himself fall on the armchair. “Call the doctor, you old fool.” he told Bobby and then he spent the next couple of hours until the doctor arrived, talking to his sons, apologizing to Dean for ruining his birthday and to Cas for treating him so badly. 

“I’m sorry you got to see the worst of me, Castiel.” was his apology to Castiel and the boy  understood that the man was trying really hard to understand his son dating a man.

After John was taken to the hospital and none of them was allowed to be there for at least a week, Ellen got ready to leave. Castiel decided to stay overnight, not comfortable with leaving Dean alone and Jo decided to stay too. Ellen drove back home after Bobby had promised that he’d drive them both to the campus in the morning. 

Just like that, the pieces of the puzzle in Dean’s life began to assemble.

-

_ They’ve been together for twenty four years now, and they’d been wonderful years, as far from perfect as it’d get but passionate and full of love.  _

_ Castiel put the coffee on and waited for the damn thing to brew enough dark liquid to fill a mug. He felt his stomach unsettled because of all the alcohol he had drank in the past days, and was pretty sure coffee was not gonna be of any help, but he needed something to perk up and appear less messy in front of his daughter.  _

_ He took the mug and went to the living room, his steps echoing in the maddening silence of the too big house. Castiel felt himself go crazy with longing. He needed the silence to stop. Then all of the sudden he found himself in front of Dean’s turntable, his hand already grabbing Dean’s favorite vinyl. One minute later, the house was full of rock music but, instead of cheering Castiel up, it only made him feel sadder.  _

\- 

They started living together after John died, barely two years after Mary. Sam had gone to college and had been dating Jess for a few months. Castiel had cut any type of contact with his family when he and Dean had been dating for six months. Michael, for all the support he had always showed his baby brother, seemed to dislike the idea of Castiel dating someone like Dean. 

“Castiel,” Michael said, his hand over his brother’s shoulder in an one arm hug, as he guided him towards the porch, drink in hand, away from the little multitude of siblings buzzing around Dean, making a thousand questions and laughing loudly, “you’re not serious, right? Dating that guy? He’s cocky and shallow… you deserve better…”

Castiel stopped his walk, with a twist of the shoulder he cut Michael’s embrace. He then seriously said, “Listen to me well, brother, Dean is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s kind, and cares for me… I love him, Michael, I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him…”, his voice loud and firm, so loud in fact that everybody at their back went silent.

Michael’s face morphed into a somber mask. The understanding, caring head of the family, turned into some cold, calculating stranger.

“You will do as I say, Castiel. Out of the four  of you, you’ve always been the best behaved. Always accepting my advices and trusting my judgement. The fact that you’re confronting me this way, raising your voice at your older brother, _at me,_ the person that raised you…” Michael sighed and shook his head in disapprovement, “It only supports my decision. Dean Winchester’s is a bad influence. You’ll stop seeing him immediately.”

Castiel stood there, looking strong on the outside but feeling like dying inside. His decision was clear, he didn’t even have to think twice. He’d always choose Dean, no doubt in his heart. And yet his brother’s ultimatum hurt like a motherfucker. 

Castiel remained silent for about a minute, he breathed deeply, trying hard to remain calm, trying hard not to spat to his brother’s face how little he cared about his opinion of Dean, how little he cared about his concern. 

“Well, I won’t be giving up on Dean anytime soon, so, is that your last word on the matter? Castiel finally asked.

“You break up with him or you’re on your own, no money and no home.” Was all Michael had to say, cold and bitter.

Gabriel and Balthazar started to argue at the back but Castiel raised his hand to let them know that he got this, he was a man now and his life was nobody else’s business. Not even his older brother’s.

“Fine, Michael. I’ll pack my things and leave your house for good. Thanks for everything you did for me in the past.” 

Dean followed Castiel upstairs and into his room, and, once he gave up trying to convince his boyfriend to cool it down and talk to his brother again, he helped him pack his belonging. While they were packing, they could hear yelling from the main floor, mainly Gabriel and Balthazar shouting at Michael. Suddenly it all went quiet and a few minutes later Gabriel appeared at Castiel’s bedroom door with a defeated look on his face. Castiel smiled at him. 

Clothes, memories, photos, books, everything was loaded in the Impala’s trunk and back seat; some stuff had to be left behind but Gabriel promised to have them sent as soon as Castiel had found a place to keep them. His room at the dorm had just as much space and it’d be already packed once everything he was taking with him arrived. 

The rest of Castiel’s old life stuff finally found its place at Dean’s garage, and that only made the couple closer, if there was any need for that, anyway. 

John’s been in and out of the hospital several times in a matter of a few months and then he just decided to admit himself in a sort of a home. Dean had complained, of course, he felt it was his own failure. John told him it wasn’t. It took a few days of arguments but Dean finally accepted that it was in his dad’s best interest.

*

_ Castiel sat on the loveseat, listening to Dean’s music and sipping his coffee. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel Dean sitting next to him, moving his leg to the rhythm and humming to himself as he read a book. _

_ A knock on the door took him out of his daydream. Castiel turned the volume down and went to open the door. A very decided and visibly upset Emily entered the house eyeing suspiciously around, looking for signs of alcohol and probably self harm evidence. He couldn’t blame her.  _

_ “Pappa, we need to talk.” she sat down and waited for him to take a seat opposite to her. “Dad’s sad and mad, but mostly sad.” she said once he had taken his place, “he… he’s not okay, Pappa. Neither are you…” she added.  _

_ Castiel remained silent, not knowing what to say to his daughter, she was trying to help but it was not her problem to solve, and yet in a way it was. _

_ “Em, I know you’re trying to help,  but your dad’s got all the right to be mad at me, I crossed a line and… and I can’t undo what i did…” Castiel didn’t want his daughter to feel responsible for his own failures. “I’ve been doing some serious thinking and I think I’m ready to talk to him… is he coming?” he asked nervously. _

_ Castiel had felt like going through the hell of his own making for so long that, now that the moment of truth was finally here and Dean was on his way, he just knew  things could go only two ways.  _

_ He loved Dean, he had never stopped. How to explain to him that he considered himself just a mouthy little shit. _

_ * _

John Winchester died peacefully on his bed one sunny April morning and Castiel stayed with Sam while Dean made the necessary arrangements, Dean’s brother was barely functional in his state of shock and Castiel took care of him, holding him while he cried and listening to his stories of John, of how great he had been before his wife died taking with her all his joy.

The eulogy, short and beautiful, was delivered by Pastor Jim, John’s old dear friend. John Winchester’s body found his resting place next to his beloved Mary’s. 

Just a few months later, Dean decided to ask Castiel to move in with him. It was only logical. They spent most of their free time on the road driving towards each other’s places, living together would make things easier. He felt it was the right time, Dean felt so ready for this. 

Castiel accepted right away, and the celebratory sex was amazing. Two years of practice on the matter made them know each other perfectly, they knew exactly where to touch, where the other would shiver if kissed or licked, where to mouth over to make the other moan. And, every time Castiel would sink into Dean, each time he felt that silky warmth tighten around him, he knew he was home. 

*

_ A car engine roared to a stop at the front door and Castiel could identify that sound among a thousand other cars.  _

_ Castiel stood up as ejected, almost spilling his coffee, his breath coming in rapid gasps, he saw his daughter coming towards him with a concerned expression.  _

_ “I’m alright, Em... or I’ll be if I can fix this.” he declared clearing his throat.  _

_ “You want me to stay? I could stay in the kitchen or in my car, if you want.” she offered. _

_ “No, baby, you’ve done too much already. I’m sorry you had to be the adult here.” he said, kissing her temple and hugging her tight.  _

_ She nodded and slowly went to the door. Emily turned around to take one last look at her father before opening the door to her other dad. She hug him too and then gave them both a warning glare that failed in its severity when a tear crossed her cheek.  _

_ Before any of them could say anything, she closed the door behind her, leaving her fathers alone in the same room for the first time in weeks. _

_ The moment Dean turned his way and looked at him with a sad but resolute expression, Castiel’s knees went weak. He took a deep breath, his chest painfully heavy with anticipation. He searched for his voice, and yet all his mind could think of was ‘why’s he staying so far away from me?’. Castiel physically shook his head to wipe away all the ghosts of fear and shame, he took one step ahead and then he calmly said: _

_ “Hello, Dean.” _


End file.
